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 It's you Rasika....



“It’s you Rasika, and not anyone else”, a statement I have been hearing since months has now got me at the brink of an emotional threshold. From watching myself as a third person slipping away into a noise outside to run away from the noise inside to losing control over every cell of my body. This whole pretense of being happy and normal around people strangely doesn’t choke me to death but makes me catch a breath at times. Men these days are like Y chromosomes getting attracted to my X chromosomes causing chemical reactions in my heart. 

My brain runs at a lightning speed at work combating the storm of thoughts and as the sun sets the heart is bleeding in pain wanting to be held and heard. From being expressive about it to now curbing every shapeless emotion life seems to be closing on me. It’s unfair to carry so much warmth in the heart and being told you are more in the world which is constantly complaining for the lack of it. For a soul that believes an eye contact speaks the language of the heart is now staring at walls wondering it might end up offending someone. From finding absolute joy in holding a hand to be present with someone in that moment to constantly being pushed away and being called dramatic, life right now is nothing less than a soap opera with me being the lead protagonist.  
 
A conversation feels like a torture for someone upsetting my arrangement of alphabets that used to be a bridge to know someone. Nobody meets halfway on a bridge, why is it so comforting for people to stay on the fence? Oh! and lets just throw the four-letter curse word out of the window as its non-existential today. Why is everyone we meet a mess? Why are humans switching off? Uff so many questions but no answers. 
 
This was such a failed attempt of letting it all go away with words which have stopped being my friends. They are turning cold and are not reciprocating and may be very soon this thunderstorm and lighting will stop and it will get cold and chilly inside…

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